I’ve Got Ants In My Pants And They Kinda Wanna Dance

I have had it with winter.

We’re through, it’s over, it’s been enough!

Merely days since the avalanche of snow on my rooftop patio finally melted away, Toronto is being hit with another slushstorm.  Every time I look out the window of my office, all I see is this completely unappealing swirl of whiteness.  Blech!

Compounding my aggression towards this disgusting season is the fact that I’m itching to get gardening and my seeds have not arrived yet.  I thought I’d get an early start on my indoor plantings by ordering seeds in January.  Well, February is 9 days from being over and I still don’t have them all.  So much for being organized.  Clearly the hippies that run the gardening companies I shop at are not as concerned as I am with being on time.  I’m a bit of a garden nazi I guess, but I just like things to be a certain way.  This year I chose a whole slew of new items to try, on top of some that turned out to be successful last year.  Included in this list are Imperial Star artichokes, Ibis celeriac, Touchstone gold and Chioggia beets, ancho and jalapeno peppers, Ambition shallots, Black Krim, Glacier,  Green Zebra, La Roma, Sungold, Yellow Pear, Garden Peach, San Marzano, Costoluto Genovese, Black Cherry, Currant and Black Zebra tomatoes, Little Fingers carrots, the Everyman’s pick of strawberries, and possibly even some sunchokes.

As you can clearly see, I’m going to have my hands full, which is why I wanted to get a head start.  With each passing day I find myself getting more and more anxious to get things going too.  However, my aggravation for this time of year is not solely caused by tardy seeds.  In a few more days it will be my birthday.  I’ve always hated my birthday for being at this time of year.  When I was young all of my friends had summer birthdays, which meant that they got to have cool Canada’s Wonderland or Wild Water Kingdom parties.  Being stuck with a birthday in the middle of winter means that there are pretty slim pickings for cool party options.  For the majority of my childhood my parents just rented out the party room at McDonald’s or let me have a skating party.  I’m sure you can understand why I’d be underwhelmed.  My older sister also had a summer birthday, and don’t think for a second that she didn’t rub that in all the time when we were young, too.  Couple that with the fact that most years my family doesn’t even remember my birthday anymore, and the Everyman forgetting how much I like to have things to open during the other gifting holiday last weekend, and my general expectations for this year’s birthday are pretty darn low.  If I had the ability to fast forward the clock and skip over the day like it never happened, I would.  I never end up getting what I want and mostly end up disappointed, depressed and upset by the people who forgot my day altogether.  Booooooo!!!!  I’m sure this puts an awful lot of undue pressure on the Everyman, because in effect he ends up having to overcompensate for everyone else’s crapitude.

So really, let’s just get this day over with already and move on.  Please.  One day when I rule the universe I’ll figure out a way to fast forward past it every year.

Until next time…

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