Well, it seems it’s about time again for another edition of the Foodie 13.
As much as I’ve tried to avoid writing this list for several months now, preferring to turn a blissfully blind eye on my own food phobias and dislikes, eventually I had to admit that there are some foods that I just won’t eat. In Jeffrey Steingarten’s book, he tells us that in order to be a proper foodie, one cannot have aversions to eating, and while I try, there really are a few things I just can’t manage to wrap my head (or lips) around.
So, this week I give you the top hate-ons from that list. You’ll probably find them more surprising than you’d think.
1 – Oranges – Ever since I was a very small child I have hated the taste of orange, whether in full fruit, flavoured items or juice form. Out of everything on this list I can say with certainty that it is the one thing I disdain the most. I’m not really certain how or why it all started, but I recall I had a problem with the pulpiness of it as a wee one, and found it distastefully bitter. To this day, when people try to peel and segment oranges around me (as one reviled ex-coworker used to do all the time) it literally makes me nauseous and I find I have to leave the vicinity.
2 – Soy Milk – One of the primary reasons I’m convinced I could never be a vegan is that I can’t seem to stomach soy milk. And believe me, over the years, I’ve tried. For some reason, no matter what variety, flavour or brand, it always seems to have an unpalatable chalkiness and viscosity that I just can’t get over. If they ever manage to make soy milk that doesn’t actually taste like soy, I’ll be the first one to sample it. But for now, no dice.
3 - Kiwifruit – I find this unpleasant on so many levels. The fur for one, is off-putting. The texture is slimy. The flavour is too astringent. One of my biggest pet peeves about my beloved ice cream establishment, Dutch Dreams, is how they arbitrarily plop a kiwi-laden scoop of fruit salad on top of every ice cream order. I’ll sometimes bother with the other fruit, but the kiwi is always the first thing that gets jettisoned or fed to the Everyman.
4 - Butterscotch – I will not eat it in a sauce, I will not eat it in a pud, I will not eat it from a can, I will not eat it, Foodie I am. In elementary school, I had a friend whose mother always used to pack him a can of butterscotch pudding in his lunch. The sight of that burnt siena-coloured paste glopping around his bag every day was enough to turn me off the stuff forever. Aside from everything else, I just don’t agree with things like pudding coming in a can. It just seems so wrong to me.
5 – Rice Pudding – Though I had something similar to a rice pudding at a Tibetan restaurant recently, I stand by my disregard for this rice-filled aberration. My loathing for this stems from an ex-boyfriend who was particularly partial to a grocery store brand called Kozy Shack that he would eat by the tubful in a single sitting. It also doesn’t help that a lot of rice puddings contain #8 (below) which I also can’t stand.
6 – Sauerkraut – I’ve never really gotten on board with this one. I like sour things, but I generally don’t see the appeal of kraut. Except for a cabbage and apple version I had at Cowbell once, which wasn’t even really a sauerkraut if I’m honest, I’ve never met a fermented salad that agreed with me. Which is kind of funny, because if you add some heat and turn it into kimchi, it’s actually quite tasty. See what a difference spice makes?
7 – Grapefruit – Another citrus fruit graces the list. I suppose part of my problem with citrus is it’s filmy, filamented texture, but beyond all of that, I don’t really understand why I’d want to expend so much effort eating something that just gives me heartburn anyway. The only useful thing I can think of doing with a grapefruit is what I will kindly refer to as douchebag bowling.
8 – Raisins – I like grapes, and I like a lot of other similarly dried fruit, but for some reason, raisins just don’t cut it. Perhaps it was because as a child I was often sent to school with those tiny red boxes of raisins for snack. They looked and smelled like our ferret’s tiny turds, an image I still haven’t managed to erase from my consciousness.
9 – Green Peppers – I think I’ve alluded to this one before, though when I was younger, it was all peppers I abstained from, not just the green ones. I can trace this back to a dish my mother used to make to expose us kids to our Trinidadian heritage, that contained stewed salt cod, tomatoes and peppers so mushy that all that was left were the strings of skin that would get stuck in my throat and make me want to wretch. Over the years I’ve grown to love the red, yellow, orange and purple peppers, but still can’t abide by the bitterness of the greens.
10 – Mussels – As a teenager, I dated another guy who had a lifelong love affair with mussels. He tried on numerous occasions to turn me over to the dark side, but their briny nature and booger-like texture were enough for me to say no thanks. It’s been about 10 years since the last time I tried some, but since I’ve developed allergies to numerous shellfish varieties in the interim, I just play it safe and haven’t attempted them again.
11 – Meat In A Can – While I understand that in some remote areas of the country, meat in a can is a necessity, I just don’t roll like that. My old friend Alex from Newfoundland would valiantly defend her beloved Vienna sausages, and I’ve met more than a few people in my lifetime who enjoyed that gelatinous drudgery that we all know as Spam, but if I ever found myself in a situation where all that was available was canned meat, I think I might just become a vegetarian. Call me an elitist, or a food snob if you want; meat in a can is just not for me.
12 – Walnuts – I enjoy most nuts, though I don’t eat them nearly as often as I would like, given that I live with the Everyman, who is deathly allergic to them. Walnuts in particular, actually. I could eat most nuts (excepting pine nuts) by the greedy handful, but for some reason walnuts have never really appealed to me. Perhaps all of the ones I’ve ever tried had already gone rancid, but I just find them to be painfully bitter and grainy. I also find there’s no quicker way to ruin a decent brownie or a loaf of bread than to include walnuts in it. Take note, pastry chefs and bakers of Toronto, we want our nut-free goods back!
13 – White Chocolate – Last but not least, this almost didn’t make the list because I didn’t think of it. It wasn’t until the Everyman asked me what I was writing about that the subject of white chocolate came up. Thanks to his reminder it has eked out cheez whiz for the final foodie spot. I turn my nose up at white chocolate because it is a faker, a culinary fraud (sort of like that first Dinner Impossible guy, no?) It’s not actually chocolate, and it needs to stop representing itself as such. I’ve turned down more desserts in restaurants than I can possibly count because they happened to include even a smidgen of white chocolate on the plate. It’s gross, it’s oily, and again, it’s not chocolate. If you like it, that’s great, you can have it all to yourself!
And so, that concludes this week’s episode of the Foodie 13. As you can see, there seems to be a trend in my dislike of bitter-tasting food. But, the first step, they say, is admitting you have a problem. I won’t for a minute pretend that I have any intention of negating my distastes for these foods overnight, but as we’re all aware, palates are ever-changing, and what I hated as a kid, I may love now (brussels sprouts, anyone?)
What are some of the things you can’t stand? Feel free to leave your most reviled foods in the comments section.
Until next time…
Tags: butterscotch, Cowbell, dislike, distaste, Dutch Dreams, grapefruit, green peppers, Jeffrey Steingarten, kiwifruit, Lists, Mark Cutrara, meat in a can, mussels, oranges, raisins, rice pudding, sauerkraut, soy milk, The Foodie 13, walnuts, white chocolate
So funny. I had a thought last week which started with you saying you despised coriander seeds. The thought came full circle when you mentioned you generally dislike fennel seeds, also generally disliked cooked fish! I found it hard to believe you could be a foodie with all these aversions. With the green bell peppers, we agree. As should everyone, there are no green bell peppers, they are simply unripened peppers of another color. Other than that, I can’t say I don’t like something. Of course I like some things more than others. Cumin, for example, is on the short list of things floating on the “not sure about” list.
Hmmm. I quite enjoy cumin, actually. I find it adds a pleasant spiciness to chilis and latino food.
While I can agree that as a foodie you should be open to trying everything (and I am), in sampling different foods and cuisines and cultures I have come across things I didn’t care for, being those listed above.
And the cooked fish thing is something I never really understood either. I will eat just about any fish in sushi form, but once it’s been cooked, I really only care for halibut, shark (which is a bad thing to eat now) and cod. Plain, I know, but I just find it tastes more like itself when it’s raw.
The fennel seed thing stems from my dad. He carries them around in his pocket and used to pop them like breath mints. I’m also just not partial to licoricey things, I guess.
The coriander/cilantro disgust comes from my mom, as it’s something quite popular in her Trinidadian cuisine, and I find that too much of it just makes everything taste like soap. I know I’m not alone on that one, as it seems to be a very polarizing substance.
Don’t get me wrong about cumin, chilli is not chilli without it. I had this same discussion with Larbo not 2 days ago. Death to GREEN BELL PEPPERS!